Summer 2011 proved a sad one for the Messiah Men’s Lacrosse team. 13 members of the team have become simple fading memories, or invisible shadows of the past… if you will. In any case, they no longer are enrolled here and we wish to see them off in the correct fashion.
SUMMER 2011 MESSIAH MEN’S LACROSSE OBITUARIES:
Alex Wissler
Cause of termination – Inability to see the world suffer without saving it.
Dates – 8/28/2010 – 8/8/2011
Survivors – Local church community, Unnamed girlfriend.
Korey Bosley
Cause of death - Warning: May be gory
Dates – 8/28/2010 - 5/15/11
Survivors – Coach’s saliva, Anne Foschnocht.
John Elcock
Cause of extermination - See picture to the left
Dates – 8/28/2010 -- 8/3/2011
Survivors – Echoes of his once prominent DJ career.
Jess Rogers
Cause of expiration – Amount of friendship he honed exceeded students and professors at Messiah College, therefore there was nowhere else for him to spread love and thus he was no longer needed… Case is still under investigation.
Dates – 8/29/2009 –- 6/5/2011
Survivors – Keirsten Mcgreer, The Second Middie Line
Adam Slocum
N/A
Ryan Halpin
Cause of fatality – Enlarged heart due to professing his love to the opposite sex.
Dates – 8/28/2010 – 6/12/2011
Survivors – None
Phil Wendt
Cause of death – Trampled on during flash mob in England.
Dates – 8/29/2007 – 5/10/2011
Survivors – That cute girl he never mustered up the courage to talk to and that cute girl he did muster up the courage to talk to.
Rod Yates
Cause of death – Drowned, severe burns due to what looks like a tanning bed
Dates – 8/28/2007 – 5/10/2011
Survivors – Mr. Yates
Pete Owens
Cause of death – Old age
Dates – 8/28/2007 –5/10/2011
Survivors – The Riskman
Eric Petters
Cause of death – Caught fire while burning his boats
Dates – 8/28/2007 – 5/10/2011
Survivors – Coach Geoff
Jay Jay Miller
Cause of death – Treason, disloyalty to his native country, eh?
Dates – 1/5/2008 – 5/10/2011
Survivors – miller3.phanfare.com, Kings of Leon, Paul Cantabene
Zach Cureton
Cause of death – Stress fracture in the brain due to chemistry labs followed by an intense rush to practice.
Dates – 8/28/2007 – 5/10/2011
Survivors – Andy Cureton, T-Bob, KAVU Corporations
Grant Leighty
Cause of death – Adder-all overdose
Dates – 8/28/2007 – 5/10/2011
Survivors – Kourtney Ehly... Are they still together?
But seriously, to all those not returning, it’s been fun. You can keep tabs on all of us at Brossiah on this fine blog all year long. And to those who graduated, we thank you all. Alongside this blog we hope to pass down what you’ve taught us. AMEN
This is CLASSIC!
ReplyDeletewhen i got to pete's cause of death i about died myself i was laughing so hard...
ReplyDeletelove.
ReplyDeleteI thought Pett died b/c his nose got so big his head couldnt hold it up anymore and it broke his neck. thanks for the clarification. RIP
ReplyDeletewait, whos rod yates?
ReplyDelete